A very merry pre-Christmas celebration!

Christmas is just around the corner and we are in full holiday spirit. We started our holidays traditions with our hearts full of hope and happiness. First on our list this year was a trip to Peddler's village. This is a mini mall with hand picked stores that sell unique items, cute and ... expensive. The decorations at night make it all worth it though.

As we do every year, we saved one weekend to go to the city and see Christmas carol, then visit Santa. The play does not hold Catalina's interest anymore, she said several times she does NOT want to come to this play ever again, that the ghost is way too scary. The visit to see Santa went a little better, but the long line made it almost not worth it. It all sounds a little depressing, right? The truth is that despite all this everybody was in very good spirits. Catalina did not complain, we made it everywhere on time, things went quite smoothly. Maybe we're getting ready to take a break in our traditions, knowing that next year with hopefully a 6 month old it would be much harder and less fun. But I am all ready to break this tradition just to have that little one in my arms :)

The line to see Santa was looong. But we made it somehow and even enjoyed few sites from the Dickens Village. It's all old to us now, so not that interesting anymore.

And then we finally made it to Santa and Catalina said out loud that she wants from Santa an American Girl Doll. One that looks like her.

We went for a short trip out and we met some friends. We shared our news and we took some pictures.

We were getting more relaxed and we actually enjoyed this part, even though we were tired.

And then we went home and rested, just laid on the couch being happy and talking to our little little baby and to the little baby. And guess what happened the next morning??? Santa decided that he can't carry all the presents across the ocean and told Catalina to open her presents!

She was happy to oblige! And she was very happy to see that Santa listened to all her requests and even got her little surprises!

Magician in the house! 

And then in the evening we were ready for our photo shoot for the Christmas cards. And we all smiled and we were all happy!

May we need a bigger frame next year and may we have a toothless smile in the picture (maybe two, if Catalina looses a couple of hers :). 

When is my little sister coming?

We are cautious about sharing our great news. We still fear the worst while hoping for magic. However, we did get back the genetic results. No signals for the most common genetic defects. And no Y chromosome detected, so most probably a girl. We were hoping deeply for another girl, so when the result came we were overwhelmed. So, we kind of told Catalina. We kept on asking her along the years  if she wants a little brother or sister and her answer was always yes. She also always said she prefers a little sister, but a little brother would be ok as well.

So, when we asked her last night again how she'd feel about a little sister she told us quite annoyed: I already told you I want one! And then we told her we'll talk to Santa Clause and God so mommy can have a little seed in her tummy and from that seed a baby will grow. She was happy, but very interested in the gingerbread cookies we were making so we left the conversation there.

Till this morning when a very happy Catalina asked me: when is my little sister coming? I told her that next year, after we come back from Romania, after her birthday. Probably when her school is finished. And then she said: "I can't wait until my sister comes!" Not wanting to create false hopes for a girl who'll play with her and listen to her I told her that sometimes it will be hard, that babies cry and sometimes we have to hold them and rock them, but if the baby cries too much mommy will take her to the other room so Catalina can sleep. And then my cute little baby told me: don't worry mommy, you can stay there, I won't mind if my little sister cries and wakes me up :).

Can this be true? will I truly have my two perfect girls? The hope, the anticipation, the fear...they are all sometimes too much.

Holidays

Holiday season started. It's all around us, you need to have a heart made of stone not to feel it, not to live it. For me, it's so, so different this year. On one hand, the biggest happiness and the nicest surprise. On the other one, frustration and extremely big disappointment from people that once held my trust.

But time has its own way of passing, meaning that it will pass no matter what you do, no matter if you're ready or not. And just like this, Thanksgiving came and we had to get our heads around the fact that this year is almost done. But we have so, so many things to be thankful. To rcap the year that went behind us:
-we are all healthy;
-Catalina had a wonderful transition to kindergarten;
-We took 2 amazing trips, to Switzerland and Disney
-We went camping and we had s'mores to quench our sweet tooth for a couple of good years
-We made new friends;
-We managed to keep our jobs and our bosses happy
-We had a year of flourishing financial year.
-We got the biggest surprise of all, coming early June 2016 :)
I am so grateful for all the bounty in my house and in my soul!

With all the good fears and hopes, we welcomed Thanksgiving. We had a nice dinner at some new friends we made. Catalina had fun, we had good food. Mommy had a horrible headache, but still managed some smiles.

And then the fun continued. We were ready to start the Christmas preparations. Christmas tree, carols, happy people. Once again, mommy was quite sick so Catalina and daddy took the Christmas job onto themselves.

We went together first to pick up our tree. Catalina was very serious and actually had a measuring tape to see how tall the tree should be. Too bad dad did not check how high our ceiling was...We had to adjust the tree once again when we got home ....

And then it was decoration time. Tangled lights, sparkly ornaments, Catalina was onto everything!

She even decorated sick mommy so she can feel the holiday spirit!

Let the holidays begin!!

 And at the end of the night we had a visit from Rudolph himself. My favorite kind of Rudolph :)

The irony of circles

   
          Life is circling somehow. I always felt this. Things you dread the most come back to repay you. Six years ago, on a dreadful September 29 night I lost my first glitter. Catalina's brother or sister was not ready to meet us and left my body, just to leave me completely void of happiness, desire to live and any hope that I'll be ever able to smile again. It was the hardest time in my life and I was the loneliest ever because nobody around me knew or wanted to acknowledge what I was going through. They just wanted me to be happy and problem free, so they can go ahead with their lives. So for a while I pretended I was ok, until one day I had a reason to start hoping again. Catalina was my rainbow baby, a rainbow so, so bright and beautiful and perfect that she healed my heart and made me complete. I still think about my first baby, but hurt is a memory that I don't let overwhelm me again. And, to comeback to the circling of life.
       This year, the same day of September 29 I had positive pregnancy test. Three years of trying, of hopes shattered Every.Single. Month. And then it was the acceptance that Catalina will be our only baby, and we should just say thank you and be incredibly grateful. And we were. So so happy and amazed that she came to us, so perfect, so loving and so much ours. But life circles, and the same day my heart broke 6 years ago, this year got filled with hope. Tiny, flickering hope in the beginning. Tests after tests, doctor appointments after doctor appointments. Panic attacks followed by sleepless nights, nightmares of the most horrible kind. Exhaustion like I never felt before, days when I thought I will collapse because my eyes will close right then and there.  It just seemed too miraculous to happen to us, to have something so good happen again. It's been now 14 weeks since the doctors counted day1 of my baby's life in my tummy. Genetic tests showed no signs of worry, none of the ultrasounds gave me any reason to worry. While I still have fear that this will be taken from me, I am starting to be able to breathe and be happy. I might have a tiny little girl (!!! <3) by mid next year. Maybe...how nice would it be?
       But once again, I am alone in my happiness, my worries, my life. The sister and mother I cherished all my life turned their backs to me the moment I asked them to show Catalina the love I showed them both (and my nephews and nice) all my life. It was like asking them to love frog...We love her this much and there is nothing more you can ask from us. So, this leaves me here: pregnant with hopefully a healthy little girl, and holding the hand of a most wonderful one that has been already given to me. I am happy.